I sit awake in bed and my mind races through lists of things to do. It’s interesting how I’m not one to count numbers but I do like getting things done. The focus being not how many but how they impact the next thing on the list. My guess is because I fear numbers, as they grow, drown so many things out. I don’t want to be just another statistic. I digress though.

It’s 2 days over a month until we fly and part of me wants to panic but the big kid part of me is holding the little me down, telling me to keep it steady, calm down and keep my head in, on, with. While it feels like there’s a gazillion more things to do, I keep telling myself that God will never give me more than I can handle. However, it likewise feels as if the many things left to be done require a paradigm shift to be completely sorted out and that alone is an enormous undertaking. Where and how do we ever begin to?

Looking back on the few months I’ve been back, it’s difficult not to notice how many things have managed to stay the same behind the pretense of change. And as much as I’d like to say that how I feel towards it is irrelevant, the truth is, how I feel about it matters because it directs me towards how I handle it. Will I be justified to pursue what I have pursued because of how I feel (or felt) about this reality?

The month after this will be something else. While that waits, I have this month to deal with. We continue to move forward however.